Amsterdam Doldrums

My goodness how time seems to move so strangely here. I have been away for a year now, and on one hand it feels like just a couple weeks. But on the other hand I cant even remember life before I left.
I was talking to a kid from California the other night who just up and left Wittier. He doesnt have any plans, and is thinking of going home soon.
He has only been away for 2 weeks, but he told me that it feels like an eternity.
I think its because when you travel, everything is new. Nothing is routine any more so everything stands out in your memory.
But for me right now, I have been here so long that nothing is new. Everything is routine so nothing stands out in my memory. The days fly by, but I cant remember anything that happens - Amsterdam is just a huge blur, with clarity on a few moments that specifically stand out to me, my North East Europe trip, a few people, a few goodbyes, a few parties, and a few nights out. But the majority of my six months here are just Amsterdam - thats it.

I guess the same goes with my life back in California before I left. Nothing really stood out. I think this may be a truth about life in general - because even my time on the road, the road just was the road. Days blended to weeks which faded into months. Life was about living - no goal or purpose except living it. I wasnt looking for anything in specific, I was just finding things.

I feel like I have found everything in Amsterdam though, just like in Los Angeles. I know there is plenty of things that I havent found in both of these cities, but this emotion isnt rational, I wont try to rationalize it. Instead Im just wondering when it will end, what happens when I have explored every city in the world? Im guessing thats what lead to space exploration... We had already discovered the earth.
I know some people who never have this feeling, they are perfectly content to stay in their home town. Some of them are perfectionists, so they prefer to explore one place and keep finding more and more (because honestly, you can never really find out everything bout a big city, you can spend your entire life in one and still find new things every day) and then there are people like me, who after even a couple of weeks start to feel the need for a new place. I dont think we have the desire for the small details, we just like to catch the vibe of a place, and then move on. Some places take longer than others, but I know for me personally it doesn't take very long.
So the question is, do I embrace this? or fight this.

"Iraq and America friends."

Last night was tough, I had to say goodbye to Firas.
Firas has a crazy story. He is Iraqi, and when America invaded, his life got flipped turned upside down. Long story short he has been on the run in Europe trying to seek asylum for the last 9 years. He got denied and this morning he flew home.
Firas has been working as a cleaner at the hostel for 2 months now, and since the start we have been buddys, but especially in the last couple weeks our friendship has deepened. We hung out and talked about Iraq, and America and politics and all kinds of crazy things.
When I started looking into traveling to Iraq he told me all I needed to know to stay safe and where to go. Then when I started looking into working as a military contractor there, Firas explained that if he was trying to blow up a Humvee with an RPG and he saw me inside he would say "Hey Taylor, move out of the way!" before firing, it became our joke, he would mime an RPG and tell me to get out of the way!
We gave him a Arabic/English bible when he left, and I wrote him a note inside the cover, it loosely translates "I will miss you brother, I hope we see eachother again somewhere in the world. Thank you for your friendship"

We listened to Amr Diab last night, and sang along with eachother while dancing in the cafe! It was great. We hugged goodbye, and he told me that when he gets home he will talk to his friend in the embassy and see about getting a visa for me. Me getting an Iraqi visa is technically impossible through normal methods. But there is a chance Firas can work something out. I would love nothing more than to go spend some time with him and his family in Iraq!

I have been looking into jobs in both Afghanistan and Antarctica. Doing various support work (Warehousing, dispatching, food service, etc) on the bases there. My current thought is to go home for a few months in November, and then maybe around the first of the year head to one of these places and work long hours in a high paying job for a few months. Then head out on the road again to either The Middle East or Russia.

Small Picture

One year. Im spending a whole year in one place, thats hard to put my head around.... My friend Gail laughed when I told her that Im staying here that long, she said that I would never make it. She gave me a couple months at best.
Some days I have a strong desire to return to California, but I really dont know why - I like it here way more. Maybe its not a desire to return to California, but a desire for whats next.

I was watching the latest episode of The Office last night, and half way through I started thinking about the next episode, and if it was out yet... I actually paused the show and checked to see if I could find the next one - before I had even finished the first.
I think thats a good analogy for how I think, I want whats next before Im through with what Im doing currently. My friend Chet once told me "when your here [Ecuador] - be all here." Im really bad at that.
Whats funny is that Im truly living my dream right now, today I met up with my friend Wendy, we met months ago in Thailand and again in Laos, and then completely randomly bumped into eachother in Cambodia. She lives in the north of Holland and was visiting Amsterdam today. We got coffee and caught up, then I walked her to the train station and saw her off. Im doing what I dreamed of before I left home, and what I longed for when I was travel-sick in China. Living somewhere, having a broad group of friends, working a job, having house-mates. This is literally a dream of mine coming true, and it has been preceded by 6 months of vagabonding around the world with no plans and nothing tying me down. I should be so content and stoked for every new moment!
I guess its just feeling the constriction of real life after a extended break from real life. I dont want to travel forever, I learned that. I just want to be able to drop all and go at any time. Even if I dont want to drop all and go, I want to be free too.
Is that selfish? Is it unreasonable? Is it impossible to live life that way?

I think if I was to come to Amsterdam open ended, and work here month by month - I might just stay forever. But the idea of having to stay, having agreed to stay, is making me feel trapped - and therefore I just want to get away!

I find no fault with this place, with the work Im doing. No I love it! But what hurts is not having freedom.
Small freedoms are no problem, having dinner at set times, and a schedule of when to work. I love that, I need that. But the big ones, the long term contracts... Thats where I have a hard time.
At my internship at Cypress Church, I didnt mind working from 12-5 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and from 7-12 on Sundays. That was fine. But the fact that I couldnt leave and pursue something else for a two year block - thats what made it so hard...

I have had 14 jobs in the last 7 years, I worked for a while, and when I figured it out, when it lost its challenge and mystery, I quit and found a new job. When the country of Laos lost its mystery in my mind, I moved on to China. When changing cities every two days lost its appeal, I settled down in Thailand for 3 months.
I dont have that option here, a weekend trip, or even the ten day trip Im going on in July doesnt give me the freedom I crave. I know I have to be back at a set time, and that thought will haunt me the whole time.

Is this something to change? To work on and block out?
Or is this something to embrace.

For now though, I live in Amsterdam! Its amazing. I love my work, I look forward to each shift. I love the people I live and work with, and I love this country. I guess I just need to look at the small picture - take it a day at a time. Be all here.

Queen's Day - Amsterdam 2011

Queensday is the annual celebration of the queens birthday here in The Netherlands. The hostel has been fully booked for weeks, and all the Dutchies talk about it with awe. The cafe was scheduled to be shut down, and the person in charge of scheduling made sure that everyone had at least one block of time to go out and enjoy the festivities.
I worked the sleeper shift on queens night, the night before queens night. The night started off pretty normal, there where more drunk people than usual and everyone was wearing orange.
I went out with a couple of guests at 2am to Niewmarkt square, right next to the hostel, and was amazed at the insanity... The streets where piled high with empty bottles and cans of all kind of beverages, from absinthe to Hieneken, no joke - it made the streets in Mumbai look clean in comparison.
The bars here all have a deal running where you can save up the plastic cups that your beer comes in and at the end of the night cash in the cups and get a euro for each one, a couple of us exploited this deal, and collected cups all night, when people get drunk they forget about this fantastic money saving opportunity and the cups litter the ground like popcorn on the floor of a movie theater.
While I was digging through a trash pile for cups, I heard "hey your the guy from the hostel!" A group of girls from Finland came over and we began to chat, they where really drunk and only wanted to make out. I talked for a minute, then one of them dumped a glass of beer over another ones head, and they all began crying. I excused myself and returned to collecting cups.

I periodicly checked into the hostel to drop off my ever growing cup stash, and make sure Heibert wasnt getting overwhelmed at reception.
Then about 3:30am it happened. I bumped into one of the Finish girls who was starting to get worried about her friend, the really drunk one. She had disapeared. An over dramatic yet fun man woman hunt began, and we searched the city like TSA dogs searching for an ounce of weed.
We decided to call it a night around 4, and hope that our drunk friend made it back alright, when Matt made a joke and pointed to a random person and said "HEY THATS HER!" we all looked and it actually was, Matt was more surprised than anyone, and we swore not to tell the others that he was joking.
The friends where re-united, and it was beautiful. We all shared a group hug, and the girls started crying again and babeling in Finnish, so I went inside and cleaned the bathrooms.

I got up this afternoon and went out once more for cups, I wandered around more and saw lots of people who had been out since the night before. The police just kind of step back for a few days, and Amsterdam turns into a wild west "anything goes" place. The drug dealers go from conspicous to REALLY conspicuous, and the uninforced "no marijuana in certain public areas" rule disappears all together. I watched a young kid on a bad acid trip literaly try to eat his own arm while his girlfriend held him and cried because she couldnt do anything. The streets are full of people walking around with nitrous oxide canisters offering a balloon full for 4 euros (thats the happy gas they give you at the dentist) the streets flow like rivers with a mixture of piss, vomit and beer. Dubstep and house music is blaring from all angles at all hours, and nobody rides bikes anymore, half because of the broken glass covering every surface, and half because its impossible with all the people crowding the streets.
I saw 4 police officers the whole time.
The canals are jam packed with boats full of drunk people wearing orange and dancing, and the redlight district is surprisingly empty...

Insanity

After my walk, I cashed in my cups and ended up with about 50 euros! I then began my evening reception shift. In the first 60 minutes, I had grabbed a drunk guy who wasn't staying at the hostel and dragged him out of one of the girls dorms, chased a guy upstairs after telling him he couldn't go upstairs, forcefully removed his beer from his hand and threw him out the front door, and broken up a party on the steps of the hostel that was blocking guests from coming in.
The rest of my shift was pretty quiet, then I walked home a little after midnight and took in the carnage. The streets are pretty much abandoned, save a few die hards still trying to find a party. The wind has blown the bottles and cans into snow-drift like piles, and leftover items that people didnt sell on the street are piled everywhere. Tons of clothes, toys and everything else left in heaps. cars drive slow and you constantly hear the popping when a car hits a beer bottle on the road. On my ten minute walk home, I counted numerous syringes, barbie dolls, books, glass beer mugs, refrigerators laying on the sidewalk and more empty cigarette boxes than you can imagine. The evidence of car crashes is everywhere, bent poles on the side of the road and shattered tail light remnants.

Its going to take a few days for this city to recover...

Niewmarkt Square

Amsterdam

Its been a long time! Im sorry for the long gap my loyal readers, but its been quite the couple weeks adjusting to life in one place, and life in a western culture none the less! My journal and diary have been written in loads, but I have neglected my blog.

I left India, sad to be leaving such an amazing country after such a short time, but excited for the next part of my adventure! I spent the night in the Delhi airport and boarded my flight to London. I didnt sleep much, and hadnt slept much the last week, but the adrenaline was still flowing steady!
I watched a few movies in the flight (Social Network is an amazing movie!) And landed at London Heathrow in the early afternoon. I grabbed my immigration card and filled it out in line to save time. When I got to the lady, she flipped through my passport and asked how I had been affording all this travel! I explained how I sold everything and took off 5 months ago, but that I was about out of money. She was impressed, and then turned it around and said "how are you going to stay in England then, if you have no money? Where are you staying? Who is paying for you?" I was tricked. I talked my way out of it, and she stamped my passport and welcomed me to England.
I had planned on meeting up with an old friend there, but didnt know how or when. So I headed downtown and wandered around for a few hours. I got online and got in touch with my buddy, and went to his apartment. I stayed with him for two nights, and he showed me all of London! A beautiful city. I saw the rosetta stone at the British museum, and we hung out at the British librairy. We saw Big Ben, the London Tower Bridge, and took the tube everywhere (I minded the gap)
I booked a ferry to Holland that night, and the next morning took a taxi to waterloo station, then a train to Norwich, then a 8 hour ferry to Hoek Van Holland, officially entered Europe, and then a train to Rotterdam. I changed to an Amsterdam train and rolled into Amsterdam Centraal Station at about 7pm! I found my way to Nieumarkt Square, and from there recognized how to get to the hostel from looking at it on Google Street View. I walked into the place where I would work for the next year, and checked in as a guest, without telling anyone I was staff.
I stayed two nights, talking with my future co-workers and getting the feel of the place. Then I went to the Willemstraat, where I will be living with all the other staff and moved into my room! I have two roomates, Jefta from Holland, and Bjorn from Germany. And there are about 40 of us living at the house, its really cool. The kitchen is restocked every week, and the house is huge, with several awesome places to hang out on couches.
I got my bike the next day, and started exploring the city! I found an awesome film store and got film for my 60 year old camera I bought in India, I have been taking pictures with it as often as I can afford the film!
I began working, and really like it. I work reception sometimes, and cafe other times (I prefer morning reception) but I enjoy all of it for the most part.
On one of my days off, I made a bunch of sandwiches and took the train to Utrecht to meet up with a Dutch couple that I had traveled with in Thailand, we spent the day together in Utrecht, and went to an awesome Belgian pub for some of the most amazing beer ever. Then we cooked Thai green curry at their apartment and reminisced.
I found a cigar shop and bought a Romeo y Juliete robusto (from Havana Cuba!) for 3 euro! There is no embargo here! Then I took the train home.

I have began some awesome relationships with my fellow staff members, and already said goodbye to some, and welcomed new ones. I have met awesome guests who insist on me visiting them in their countries (from India to South Africa) and learned the system of how things work at Shelter.
And its only been 2 weeks. Who knows what the next 50 will bring!

Im already re-examining everything I believe, that happens when you live with 40 people from all different backgrounds, all sharing their beliefs and philosophies, and Im excited to learn from them and challenge the things that I believe but dont know why.

In a couple days, Im going to Bruges in Belgium for the night, to explore a bit more of Europe! Paris is only 3 hours away, and I can be in Germany in under an hour. Im hoping the posters I put up around the hostel for computer repair can bring in a few extra Euros so I can see these places!!

It hasnt been without its discouragements and adjustments, my body still hasnt adjusted back to sandwiches and bread. Im always craving rice, and Im needing to take alot more alone time than ever before, but I think thats a good thing. I have learned to be alone and enjoy it, before I left I couldnt be alone. Now I need to be.

And also, Amsterdam is an amazing city... amazing. I still have to stop myself thinking "Id love to move here some day..." or "if I lived here..." because I DO live here!!

Taken with my Yashica 635 TLR, right next to where I live

From Delhi to Amsterdam

The Taj was sweet, I sat on a roof and enjoyed the view for free! I headed to the train station early, and just sat on the platform reading and watching people.
A group of beggar children came up asking for baksheesh, and I told them no, but bought them some juice and insisted that they drink it right then (otherwise they sell it back to the shopkeeper for a couple rupees) they posed for some pictures, and I taught them how to beg in English!
Almost all the begger kids in India are working for a syndicate. They live and eat together somewhere, and pay all the money they earn from begging to the leader. Who through fear and dependence keeps the kids in his pocket. Many of the deformed beggars are mutilated intentionally to earn more money (Think Slumdog Millionaire)
The way to stop this, is to cut off the money to the leaders of these syndicates, as hard as it is - stop giving money to these children... But buying them food, and making sure its opened or watching the kids eat it, is a way to help them without paying into the corruption.

Camels, desert, and a bit of blood!

Rachel and I left Udaipur, a little sad. Its an amazing place.

Jahar (the owner of our guesthouse) gave us massages, (I had never before had a man take my pants off, and then rub me down with oil...) and drove us to the bus station. He said a tearful goodbye to Rachel and told her he loved her. He like every Indian man was in love...

We took off for Jaidpur, where we had to change buses to get to Jaisalmer, a town on the edge of the Thor desert near Pakistan. It was an insanely cold bus ride, and I almost froze to death many times. Especially sitting at the Jaidpur bus station at 4am waiting for the next bus.

But soon enough we where on board and heading for the desert. We arrived in the late morning, and headed to a random guesthouse to ask about desert camel adventures. We found a sweet dude who hooked us up with an all inclusive 2 day one night safari for a good price. We got our camel riding gear on and hit the road in a jeep! I was tired from not sleeping at all the night before (freezing cold, bus, wearing shorts) but was super pumped and rolled hard!

We drove an hour out into the desert singing songs with our driver (turns out he knows about 7 words in English, but all of fraroujaqua in French) He stopped to make a phone call in the desert, and I slid over to the drivers seat, threw it in drive and took the jeep for a lap around a mound of shruberies! He smiled and chased along. We continued on, and met up with a group of people just coming back from a night in the desert, they shared tips, and we ate a delicious lunch with them, and then they took off in the jeep and we took off on the camels!

Camel riding is freaking hard. It hurts. After 15 minutes I was over the novelty of it, and tried to get into a rhythm with my beast, but it still was hard... after a couple hours I got down and walked for a couple, and alternated. 81 kilometers later we arrived at camp, and Bobbee (our guide) set up camp while Rachel and I played on the dunes.

We came back to cups of chai, and had a super of amazing food cooked on a tiny scout fire, including fresh made chapati! Bobbee packed in a couple cabbages, a bag of flour, some potatoes and garlic. And a handful of spices, and the meals that he made where all mind blowing! By now it was dark, and really cold. We made our beds on the sand, and crawled under a pile of blankets! I have never ever seen stars like that night, it was amazing.

Rachel woke me up in the morning and the three of us sat around the fire drinking chai, and ate a breakfast of boiled eggs and toast, then we hit the road again.

Another 4 hours of riding through insane enviroments, volcanic rock, desert, forest... It was amazing, I was so happy to walk along behind the camels and take it all in. I listened to Amnesiac and OK Computer both in their entirety (Radiohead albums for those who dont know!) and it was perfect.

We got to a riverbed and made more food for lunch, and then our jeep came back to pick us up! We drove back to town, and showered at the guesthouse where we booked, packed up, and headed to the bus station for another overnight bus! Rachel to Pushkar and me to Jaisalmer to catch a connecting bus to Agra. (on the same bus, she just got off before me)

Somewhere in the middle, the bus broke down, and everyone got off to pee. I hadnt been feeling good, my stomach was funky. I went behind a building a exploded in a torrent of incredibly spicy vomit all over a pile of bricks. I felt so much better after!

We got back on the bus and continued. Rachel got off in Pushkar and we said a sad farewell, and I sat in my seat and froze sleeplessly once again. We pulled into Jaisalmer at 5am, and I decided to not catch a connecting bus, I needed sleep and warmth. I was shivering uncontrollably and figured thats not a good thing... I got a room at the first guesthouse I saw, I was to exhausted to barter much. I got into the room and took a semi warm shower, and crawled under a huge pile of blankets. I slept from 6am until 11am, and checked out and went to the train station. But the trains where all full, I got a rickshaw to the bus station, and the driver told me his friend was driving to Agra that afternoon with two American girls, and I could go with him if I helped with gas! I was down, but the friend wasnt answering his phone so we got some chai to wait. I was skeptical this whole time, the guy had a shady vibe. And I soon figured out what it was. He offered me 15,000 Euros! And all I had to do was a “legal” job for his friend (the very friend who was supposed to give me a ride) and smuggle 40,000 Euros worth of gems into England! I played along for the fun of it, and then told him no. He took me to the bus station and I jumped onto my 6 hour bus to Agra.

It was pretty uneventful, we got into Agra later than I hoped (I had planned on seeing the Taj after getting off the bus, and then getting an overnight train to Delhi. But it was after dark, and I am still super tired.

I decided to make my last night in India a good one, and get a super good deal on everything, barter like crazy. So I wandered around with my pack chatting with Rickshaw drivers and guesthouse owners. I offered one guesthouse owner 500 rupees for a bed for the night and a train ticket for the next day, I talked prices and times with him, and not satisfied went to a travel agent and got HIS prices for the train ticket. 200 rupees. I didnt like it, so I walked on and met another travel agent who walked me away from his friends into a dark alley and whispered to me “just go to the train station, you can buy the same ticket for 80 rupees...” I was stoked, he told me how much to pay for a rickshaw (5 rupees, and I had been quoted 50 rupees earlier...) I high fived him and headed on. I got to the station bought the wrong ticket, returned it, and got a new one. I started walking back towards where I thought I had come from, and got a bit lost. But my spirits where high so I walked on! All of a sudden I felt a pain in my ankle and I tripped, I tried to recover but my backpack slid up and threw off my balance. I fell face down on the road and slid on my forehead. LITERALY! I slid an inch or so on my forehead and knee.

One man that had been walking past me as I fell didnt even look back, and another man across the street ran through traffic risking his life to see if I was ok – oh India.

I brushed myself off, and looked to see what happened... It was a suport cable for a power pole, that ran into the sidewalk. But it was so dark it was impossible to see! And they dont have those plastic warning things on them like they do in America.

I flagged down a rickshaw and told him... I realized I didnt know what to tell him. I just told him to take me to some hotels... (very dangerous thing to say to a rickshaw, you could end up anywhere) but I knew I was close to one where a French woman I met on the bus was staying. He pulled up to her hotel first thing, I thanked him and payed him with a bottle of whiskey I had in my bag that I had no use for. He was ecstatic with happiness, and didnt even remember to get commission from the hotel, he just sat there hugging his new tiny bottle of happiness.

I went in and the owner said they where cleaning a room and it would be ready in half an hour, I said no problem and sat down. An Italian woman and her daughter kept staring at me and making faces from across the room... I was confused, but nodded politely back when I caught her eye. She walked over and said quietly “do you know that your bleeding?” I smiled and told her that yes I did, but thanks for your concern! She flashed a strange smile and walked back to her daughter. The owner came over and asked what happened to me, and I explained the whole tripping over a wire story. I assured him I hadn't been drinking, and he laughed at me. I checked in, and took a nice hot shower, and now Im laying in bed, Im so excited for a bed and good sleep. Besides the couple hours I had this morning I haven't been in a bed in 3 nights, and havent slept much or at all any of them!

Tomorrow Im going to see the Taj Mahol (not going to go inside, just observe from the outside and dig the people for a while) and then go for my 6pm train to Delhi. I should get to the airport about midnight, and sleep there. Then at 7am I head to LONDON!